The Big Decision

Marriages are not between two individuals, but two families. Marriage is a Societal need. That is why it gains the significance of an ‘Institution’. We have come a long way, from hunters, food gatherers, farmers and people from various walks of Life. Thanks to ‘Marriages’, which maintain a social order even amongst the nomadic tribes of the world. Today, in spite of shrinking families, abundant discretion and freedom, individually, we still look up to our elders for any important decisions. Marriage is the most important of them all. In order to make marriages last, compatibility check is strongly recommended, before taking the Big Decision.

Compatibility

For ages, we Indians have been using tools of Astrology to check the compatibility between a prospective bride and groom, calculated on the basis of their birth date and time. Every science has its limitations and so faith on such tools may differ from person to person.

In general, the compatibility is to be checked on Six different perspectives in the order of preference given below.

1. Love & Commitment : Marriage is a Sea that needs to be sailed together. Love and Commitment of a Man and a Woman to be united as a family during peace and thunderstorms is the first and basic requisite. Fundamental to any relationship, most important in Marriage.
2. Emotional Compatibility : A balanced person only can become the pillar for a family to withstand the turmoil of Life and protect it from forces affecting peaceful living. Attachment to all members is a mandate to maintain the bonding with the extended family. Feelings for one another are direct tangent of Love & Commitment.
3. Economical Compatibility : This is to meet up with the material demands and lifestyle needs of one another, without stress on the other five elements. Whether we like it or not, lifestyle changes aren’t as easy as one may assume – as aspects 1 & 2 might help to some extent but cannot hold economical issues forever, as they crop up very often.
4. Intellectual Compatibility : Between the Man and Woman, sharing and caring go hand in hand. While the former 3 may stand for caring, aspects 4, 5 & 6 are required for sharing. When two individuals meet, thoughts, ideas, and aspirations would need to be exchanged, appreciated and comprehended. Differences might crop up when the initial animal urges dry out – and when the other person cannot comprehend or match one’s intellect.
5. Physiological Compatibility : While Love & Commitment still stand out as the number one parameter, physiological needs play a very important part to decide on endurance of marriages. However intellectually complementary the two may be, with age, marriages might fail easily if one another’s physiological needs are not met.
6. Social Compatibility : Society as an entity may differ from one place to another, one strata to another. Common ground is very difficult to arrive, when the two are from different societies. With a combination facets 1 to 4, a person can meet up to an extent. However, to avoid any stress on the marriage, both need to work on one another’s societal needs expected of them.

Process

The process of finding a compatible partner involves a significant amount of your time. Tools are indeed available to increase options and expedite process. Adequate knowledge on Safety and the Deterrants also is recommended.

A. Time

• Everything needs time and consensus, especially, relationships. Do not get embarrassed when the responses are slow from the other side. After all, they too might be waiting for someone with slower responses. The hand-shake between two prospects will take time, as it needs consensus from more members from each family. It is always better to use one of the Uncles or Aunts to be the intermediary, instead of rubbing shoulders parent-to-parent, directly. This would save some initial friction and enable faster results.

B. Tools

• Thanks to Matrimonial portals, a large number of marriages are consummated with ease. They do provide tools to check compatibility too. Some of them offer everything for free. Remember Scott Goodson, “when you’re not paying for it, You become the product”.

• Choose the services according to your needs and the providers capabilities. Some are meant be self-served, some providers mediate, and some are meant for a different strata altogether. Set your expectations right. Expecting a higher service from a different provider may be a cause for embarrassment.

C. Deterrants

• Over-expectations in terms of any of the above six aspects from either end becomes a deterrant. Many parents, having unrealistic perceptions about their own offsprings and too demanding from the other side will not only be a cause of embarrassment, but a serious stumble block in the consummation of Marriage.

D. Safety

• Conventional wisdom is in validating all claims that a prospective bride or groom shall make in quest of a Marriage. Failing to evaluate the facts/ risks, shall land us into trouble. So, do understand the Safety guidelines.
• When the expectations are fine tuned in accordance with the reality, delays or disappointments can well be avoided. Priorities of Life need to be well – understood and calibrated. Mutual respect is mandatory. Validation of statements, to be done without fail, to avoid surprises later.

Success

We are a country where a segment of its citizens have allowed evils such as polygyny and female foeticide for quite some time. This has brought an imbalance in sex ratio. Currently at 944 girls to 1000 boys, the sex imbalance causes some demand for girls. Thanks for the awareness created through Government measures and Social activism, these are now diminishing drastically.

If you are married or have someone in marriageable age in your family, you will sure relate to this. We have undaunted faith in the institution of Marriage, and have been spreading this faith across the globe. The familial way of life is strictly the norm and mark of a civilized society. Deciding the right partner and consummation of Marriage is indeed a Big Decision.

Wish you all Success. God Bless Happy Married Life.