Un-fair Wear and Tear

Ridiculed over my approach to life, a number of times, by a number of people, I never took them as seriously, until it was from one of my siblings. Had it dawned on me during my young years, I should have snapped off all relations. But now, with my greying hair – partly growing bald, and failing energies, I have become more wiser – if that be the way to justify all indifference and inactions against any challenges about my thought processes, knowledge, skills, abilities, cultivated habits, trained mannerisms, calculated-behaviours and all my ‘isms’. I did have a pride that almost everything in me had been cultured by me in pursuit of a better being. I believe and am seriously conscious about what I am and what I am headed to become. I think I am losing the zeal now.

I shall usher in my school of thought, think of this. All elder children in the family are brought up with a responsibility burden in every interaction, right from the age they have started listening. Every visitor to the home, be it relative, or friend, or neighbour, reminds them at various times and different forms that, they have to act responsibly, and bear the burden of the family. Turn around family-fortunes, mostly misfortunes, to the better, with no special efforts from anyone, especially from the ones who have caused their birth. Eldest ones are born bada. Results are expected even if it is from thin air. For the eldest, all “Terms and Conditions Apply”.

On the contrary, the last ones enjoy a special status, favourites (laadla – in hindi). They are the special children in the family who are beyond all rules of the family. Done or undone, no one happens to take note of actions of the laadlas seriously. Irrespective of their age, these are bacchas forever. All sins pardoned, carefree life from day one, they enjoy the blessings and are cajoled by all relatives, friends and neighbours. No “Terms and Conditions”. While a very few may find a constraint of competing with a elder super-child, which is a rare occasion, almost all youngests gain patronage from the entire family, family-friends and neighbours as laadlas. [Pardon my use of Indian-English words here, since I am yet to find the right Anglo-Saxon-English expression for my feelings at this moment. I will change when I find some.]

The junior is always a young, playful and child-like person, whose actions, are not taken seriously and thus escapes any scrutiny or evaluation. Being treated a young one – always, has its gains in ones mind and spirit, that in spite of passage of years, Junior remains younger to all and enjoys a younger life, beating ones actual age. With not much responsibilities, burden and thereby with more freedom, Junior is forever young. Truly a blessing in every sense.

On the other side, even if one starts validating the variations in behaviours, it would be clearly evident, that the senior is over-matured, over-exposed and over-stressed for the age. While pretending to be a responsible child, the senior loses youth, youthfulness, youthful-mind and ages pre-maturely, for the maturity imposed upon this one by the Society. Thus, the overall image of the senior is always an exhausted, serious-looking, aged-person, irrespective of the actual age, who is seen amongst the older people, listening to whatever they say. I have lived the life of a Senior all my life and thus, I have been through a serious-side throughout. Hence, my behaviours have been not-so-fun-loving, business-like all the time. Many or all of my behavioural traits can be attributed to this factor of being a Senior. This differentiates and contradicts me from the expected behaviours from me, especially for my siblings.

Is it possible for me to change now, I might. But, by doing so, is it going to benefit anyone, I carry my doubts. As I have come too far, any such change, I’m afraid, will affect my worklife, on which I have grown to be so highly dependent. Having thought of it, I have decided to stay put in the current predicament, even if I’m ridiculed. For here lies my benign being, while the stress of living beyond my age may take a toll on my health, it is just that Un-fair Wear and Tear that comes by, while being the Senior.